The Ten Songs you NEED on Your Epic Party Playlist

The top ten songs to get any party going (… or your workday… or shower… or… like… life):

1) “Beggin For Thread” by Banks.  This is my latest obsession and is absolutely brill.  It only released a few days ago and the music vid literally JUST dropped.  Just… thank me later:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twix375Me4Q

2) “#STUPiDFACEDD” by Wallpaper.  An obligatory college-style drinking song, which is hilariously great:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dE-7-kBxXw

3) “5 Hours” by Deorro.  Straight up fist-pumping beats to get you amped up to toss back a round of shots and try to out-do one another with your best awkward dance moves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMXxLFlnlic

4) “Too Fucked Up to Call” by 2am Club.  I met these guys in a hallway after a show they played at college and my friend asked “where are you guys out of?” (which was easily the coolest thing that could have possibly come out of her mouth and we were so proud of it after)… but anyway, they are a fun time.  And so is this new song of theirs, which is conveniently about drinking:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnZhDGmMvC4

5) “Doses & Mimosas” by Cherub.  If you have a pulse, chances are you know this song already.  But it cannot be left off of the epic party playlist, so I am including it anyway.  And if you do not know it, dear god, listen now:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E45fogGN_Y8

6) “Overdose” by Little Daylight.  These guys are my 100% favorite new band – and I managed to see them front row for my birthday a month or so ago:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36MwnqW2sGg

7) “Tonight (Best You Ever Had)” by John Kegend ft. Ludacris.  Throw this baby on towards the end of the playlist for that moment that you are on a balcony and there are strings of lights draped everywhere and the only other light is coming from the stars and you are sipping something classy as fuck, but not too showy… like a gin and tonic.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXvy8ZeCs5M

8) “Cut Your Teeth” by Kyla La Grange.  If it were possible to die by way of music, this is the song I would pick.  It’s slow and brooding and then when that beat drops and you get dat subwoofer rocking it is orgasmic.  Plus, could Kyla BE more attractive?!  (I’ll warn you right now that she had an English accent on top of everything else.. so the answer is resoundingly no, she could not.)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GINpKSkZawk

9) “XXX 88” by MØ ft. Diplo.  This was probably one of my best music finds ever – I discovered it about a year ago and she’s just now getting popular and that makes me cool, right?  Right?!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmLMPFXzBLA

10)  “Next Year” by RAC.  The perfect way to end a perfect night:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0nSDOiAHo0

But wait.  I just discovered you can add polls.  SO – WHICH SONG DID YOU LIKE BEST?!?!

You know you’re from Buffalo when…

You know you’re from Buffalo when…

1) Carbonated beverages are called “Pop” – not ‘soda’, not ‘soft drink’, not ‘Coke’ or ‘Sprite’… just “Pop”.

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2) You get irrationally angry when you are anywhere other than Buffalo and you see “Buffalo” wings on the menu or anything with “Buffalo” sauce on it, because you know they are doing it wrong.  You also have an opinion on whether Duff’s or the Anchor Bar serve the best wings in Buffalo.

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3) You know what loganberry, Bison dip, and kimmelweck rolls (beef on weck) are, and where to get them.

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4) You would never dream of going to a Taco Bell.

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5) You’ve been to one of the Seven Wonders of the World (aka Niagara Falls) at least 8 times.  (And it hurts you to admit that the Canadian side is more poppin’.)

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6) You basically consider yourself to have dual-citizenship between the US and Canada (but you probably like the Canadian border patrol a lot more than the US border patrol).  You also think it’s weird that people who aren’t from Buffalo don’t know that the Canadian national anthem begins “O Canada!  Our home and native land…”.

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7) You don’t expect to get a snow day, even when a blizzard dumps 3 feet overnight.  What you really hope for is a storm that causes power outages or for the thermometer to dip below negative 20 degrees (F), because that’s the only way you’re getting a day off of school.  Lake Effect snow ain’t no thang to Buffalonians.  Drive on.

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8) When people ask you what there is to do in Buffalo, you have to try to make your movie theaters, bowling alleys, and malls sound really interesting.  You do have Wegmans though!

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9) You recognize that if you go into downtown Buffalo on any given night, your chances of seeing pedestrians on 95% of the streets are .0009%.

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10) You know that if you can survive a Buffalo winter, you can survive pretty much anything – so you take pride in being a true Buffalonian.

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More Food for Thought on Spiders…

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Welcome to life as I know it.

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 Truer words have never been spoken.

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It’s just safer.

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 So long story short… spiders lead to a lot of fires.

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I know you do.  That’s why I have been sleeping on the couch for two months now.

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Preach.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/28/prompt-fear-factor/

The Devil’s Creatures

Let’s talk about spiders… and when I say “let’s talk”, I really mean “let me talk at you” about spiders.  And if you’re one of those people that are like, “Nooo, spiders are great!  They catch flies and other pesky bugs.” you can just leave.  Like, right now.  You simply cannot understand.

Spiders are the most horrifying type of insect (read: demon) because they are always there when you least expect it.  You will be on your game for weeks, carefully checking the ceiling each time you sit down to watch TV, looking around before you step in the shower, and double-checking any strange dots on the walls at work, and then the second you relax for a second… BOOM  Spider time.  I cannot even count the number of times that I have had this eerie feeling sweep over me once I lay down on my bed and right as I am about to turn off the light to go to sleep I think, “Wait a second…” and 9 times out of 10 when I look around, sure enough, there is a spider casually crawling 3 feet above my head, waiting to begin its murderous descent once the lights are off.

It’s truly amazing that I have not been killed yet.  I can only thank my sixth sense, otherwise known as my Spider Scope, for my life.

The worst part about spiders (I know what you’re thinking, how could I possibly identify the worst part about spiders because everything about them is the worst, but just bear with me) is that they are smart.  They can sense your terror… and they love it.  When a spider sees you enter a room that it’s chilling in, it never goes “Oh, this poor lady girl could really use some alone time to relax, I’m just going to excuse myself and return to the great outdoors where I belong.” 1453527_10200976768686379_517606211_n-1Instead, the motherfucker positions itself in your prime line of view before skirting out of sight, disappearing without a trace for the next several days, so that you can never feel safe again.

Just remember… you’re never alone.  Sweet dreams, folks.

Impress Your Friends

So here we are.  On muh blog.  You probably are wondering how I crafted this nifty blog.  Wellllll, first I Googled “How to make a blog.”  That’s when I discovered the real purpose for creating a blog – to totally impress my friends.
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That got me thinking about how else I could impress my friends.  So, naturally, I googled that too.  I know what you’re thinking – how about breaking an apple open with your bare hands?  I know.  Me too.  Luckily – that was one of the first results that popped up.  
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So you could say I’ve got you covered.

But what else?  What if you want to, like, seriously impress your friends?  I made a list just for you.  Here we go.

1) Show them that you’re cultured by casually slipping words from a foreign language into your everyday conversation.  “Yeah, the tiempo really has been crazy lately, Todd.  What’s next… nevicata?  La pluie?”

2) Do some investigating and learn obscure facts about them that they never would have guessed you would know.  Pro tip: Secretly message their relatives or old friends from home on Facebook for the inside scoop – but, like any true sleuth, never reveal your sources to your friends.  (Trust me, they won’t be creeped out.)

3) Tell them a hilarious joke.  Here’s a recent favorite:  Two potatoes are best friends and they are walking down the street together.  All of a sudden, a car comes flying around the corner and hits one of the potatoes.  The uninjured potato calls an ambulance and does the best that he can to help his injured friend.  The injured potato is rushed to the ER and goes straight into surgery.  After an agonizing wait, the doctor finally comes out and tells the uninjured potato, “I’ve got good news and bad news.  The good news is that your friend is going to make it.  The bad news is that he will be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”

4) Buy an alpaca.  Show it off.

5)  Wear sunglasses on your head during the winter.  Indoors.

6) Quote important-sounding people from the past that you’ve actually made up.  “Well, as Reginald Evingston put it best, ‘Impressiveness is earned both when one least expects it and when one plans for it most.'”

7) Go pro at a sport.

8) Perfect the art of staring pensively into the distance when people are looking in your direction.

Until next time.  You’re welcome.